Goodbye Dear Friend! Or, the Week I Quit Drinking Coffee

Last week I drank a huge iced coffee on my way to work, where I then had two more cups from the office before lunchtime. Around 2pm I got a triple espresso and my leg would not stop shaking for two hours. When I got home I laid face down on my bed because I was very tired (experts say that in the Coffee World, this is called a “crash”). 

I realized that coffee was ruining my life. Instead of simply cutting down my intake, like a normal person would, I decided to go cold-turkey and give it up for a week. Just to see if I could  

My week played out as follows:  


I woke up, just like any other day, hating life. Around the time I started putting on my bra (ugh) and jeans (ew!) I got the itch, the craving, the need. But I stayed strong. I ordered a half lemonade/half tea. It was disgusting. I swear on my life I will never drink lemonade before noon again. 


This was the second day of no coffee, but it was also the first day of being an asshole. I say this because today I ordered matcha. (BTW, how are you supposed to refer to matcha? A matcha? Some matcha? The matcha? Whatever.) 

I think matcha is just green tea in powder form, but who’s to say? It tastes fine enough but I really hope people don’t expect me go to Soul Cycle with them just because I’m drinking something green. 


Today is the first day I don’t have a headache from coffee withdrawal. When I met my boyfriend after work he offered me a sip of his French roast and I nearly bashed his head into the sidewalk. I told him to remember the vow I made to not let a drop of coffee into my mouth for one week. He shrugged. 


It’s fine. Everything is fine. No one has invited me to Soul Cycle, Thank GOD. Also, I bought my own matcha because turns out matcha is expensive. Why in the world does that shit cost $5 at Starbucks? 


Today has been the hardest thus far because I got mean-drunk last night and all I wanted was to drown my soul in some sweet, sweet coffee when I woke up. I drank the matcha but it just wasn’t enough to make me forget the beer, the shots, the late-night yelling at my boyfriend...

There’s only one thing that can make me forget, but for now, it’s forbidden. 


I had to buy my matcha again this morning because I was late. But now I also am out ANOTHER $5 thanks to Starbucks. I’m also told by the internet that Starbucks matcha stuff isn’t as healthy as it looks? Green does NOT equal healthy, people!!! 


I woke up this morning and made myself an iced matcha drink before leaving the house, as if it were a completely normal thing to do. I did not have a headache and it tasted fine. 


I made it a week. I think I've kicked my coffee addiction. No more headaches. No more stomach aches. Better focus. Better sleep. Better breath. 

Would I recommend it? No. Can’t wait to drink some coffee tomorrow.